How to Love a Complicated Heart

When I say that I love you

What I mean

Is that I will love the self you are hiding

As much as I love the self you hide behind

I will love the self you are fighting

As much as I love the self you are trying to find

And the self you show to the world outside

I will love the self you are trying to be

And the self you can never seem achieve

When I say that I love you

What I mean

Is that I will learn to love more perfectly

And not only do I love who you are to me

But I have decided to love you completely

Arizona/Utah

Thoughts from hiking in the Grand Canyon

These canyons reach so deep

That I’m afraid to

Let you get to the heart of me

The rivers below seem pretty

But it’s twists and turns can grow so weary

Slipping between the rocks

Sometimes I still get caught

Between this moment and

The one that I was standing in

When I started to believe

I wasn’t worth believing in

So I linger near the brink

Of what has been and what can be

Yet I’m realizing

All this time I’ve still been here

I never lost myself

I just got blinded by the fear

Of falling apart

With every crack in the walls

Of a love

I was too afraid to start

And Lord, I get so tired

Of trying to keep up

With everyone around me

All this time a voice was whispering

“Go at your own pace,

Take all the time you need”

But I was so worried

About making anyone wait for me

I charged on ahead

My heart in my throat

My body aching

And doesn’t it seem funny

Boys, they fall in love so quickly

And seem to climb back out more easily

But I’m just a girl who walks slowly

And once I fall, I end up plunging